I am sure some of you are already familiar with the word introvert. For those of you who don't know, listen to my story. Hopefully at the end of my story, you can know and understand an introvert.

Here, I will tell you about how I go about my days as an introvert. Well, a long journey....

Initially, I was just an ordinary little kid. Just like other children. A life full of happiness and laughter. However, slowly it all changed. I started getting scolded, teased, ridiculed or whatever you call it from my peers. They mocked me because of my physique. Indeed, since the 3rd grade of elementary school my physique started to change. My physique became thin and very thin. I don't know what caused it. They also started to make fun of me. Not just about my physique, but there were also other things that made them make fun of me. Until I once cried in class because of them. I was weak, very weak. I was helpless against them. I just kept quiet. I couldn't fight back. I didn't dare. Really, all of that made my heart hurt. When they mocked me, I just kept quiet. But, actually my heart was crying. Painful. Very painful. (Remembering that event makes me feel that pain again T.T).

All the way home, I just tried to hold back the pain. Trying to hold back so my tears wouldn't fall. When I got home I didn't show my sadness to my mother. I didn't want to make my mother sad. All I did was go into my room and cry my heart out there. I complained to Allah. I once asked Him for justice. Oh God, Why am I like this, why am I not the same as them. Why am I not like children in general. Why am I different. Why am I weak. Why oh God, why ?? That question was always in me and I always poured it out when I cried in my room. Nobody ever knew I was always crying in my room. No one.

I always confided in my beloved teddy bear. I always hug it when I feel lonely. I think only my doll knows how I feel. My beloved doll is my best friend. Who always accompanies me, who can understand me. That doll is a silent witness to my life's journey. Until now that teddy bear is still there and will always be there...

Unbeknownst to me, time went by so fast. I started to leave my friends in elementary school. I always prayed that when I entered junior high school I would have good friends and there would be no more teasing me like in elementary school. In 2005 I was accepted at one of the public junior high schools in Jakarta. I was so happy. Because that junior high school was my favorite junior high school. The first time I went in, I saw my friends were nice. Not like in elementary school. It was true. I had a good friend there. However, there was still one friend who liked to mock my physique. It was sad, but, that sadness was healed because I had good friends. Well, my life in junior high school could be said to be better than when I was in elementary school. But, that feeling came back. That question came back. At that time, I was someone who was weak, quiet, and not a sociable person. I don't know why, I always questioned that. I always saw myself as different from my peers in general. I felt that there was no one like me. I felt different. I always asked “who am I?” Why am I like this? What makes me like this? What makes me not the same as them? What's wrong with me? What should I do to be like them? Really, I don't understand all this. I don't understand....

Three years passed quickly and before I knew it I entered the vocational high school period. This is where I experienced significant changes. When I was in vocational high school I started wearing a headscarf. My physique became ideal, unlike before which was very thin. And here I am a person who is highly regarded by my peers. They looked at me because I was the person who always got the top ranking in the class. Actually, I didn't want that to happen. I don't like being the center of attention and I don't like being considered smart. Because, even I feel stupid. During school, I just tried to study to the best of my ability. I did that because I didn't want to disappoint my parents who had gone to great lengths to pay for my school. But, I don't know why I always get the title of class champion. But, let it be. Just consider it all to make my parents happy. Making them proud of me. Even though I actually don't want to be like that.

Let me introduce myself, I am an introvert,,, I am sure some of you are already familiar with the word introvert. For those of you who don't know, listen to my story. Hopefully at the end of my story, you can know and understand an introvert.

Here, I will tell you about how I go about my days as an introvert. Well, a long journey....

Initially, I was just an ordinary little kid. Just like other children. A life full of happiness and laughter. However, slowly it all changed. I started getting scolded, teased, ridiculed or whatever you call it from my peers. They mocked me because of my physique. Indeed, since the 3rd grade of elementary school my physique started to change. My physique became thin and very thin. I don't know what caused it. They also started to make fun of me. Not just about my physique, but there were also other things that made them make fun of me. Until I once cried in class because of them. I was weak, very weak. I was helpless against them. I just kept quiet. I couldn't fight back. I didn't dare. Really, all of that made my heart hurt. When they mocked me, I just kept quiet. But, actually my heart was crying. Painful. Very painful. (Remembering that event makes me feel that pain again T.T).

All the way home, I just tried to hold back the pain. Trying to hold back so my tears wouldn't fall. When I got home I didn't show my sadness to my mother. I didn't want to make my mother sad. All I did was go into my room and cry my heart out there. I complained to Allah. I once asked Him for justice. Oh God, Why am I like this, why am I not the same as them. Why am I not like children in general. Why am I different. Why am I weak. Why oh God, why ?? That question was always in me and I always poured it out when I cried in my room. Nobody ever knew I was always crying in my room. No one.

I always confided in my beloved teddy bear. I always hug it when I feel lonely. I think only my doll knows how I feel. My beloved doll is my best friend. Who always accompanies me, who can understand me. That doll is a silent witness to my life's journey. Until now that teddy bear is still there and will always be there...

Unbeknownst to me, time went by so fast. I started to leave my friends in elementary school. I always prayed that when I entered junior high school I would have good friends and there would be no more teasing me like in elementary school. In 2005 I was accepted at one of the public junior high schools in Jakarta. I was so happy. Because that junior high school was my favorite junior high school. The first time I went in, I saw my friends were nice. Not like in elementary school. It was true. I had a good friend there. However, there was still one friend who liked to mock my physique. It was sad, but, that sadness was healed because I had good friends. Well, my life in junior high school could be said to be better than when I was in elementary school. But, that feeling came back. That question came back. At that time, I was someone who was weak, quiet, and not a sociable person. I don't know why, I always questioned that. I always saw myself as different from my peers in general. I felt that there was no one like me. I felt different. I always asked “who am I?” Why am I like this? What makes me like this? What makes me not the same as them? What's wrong with me? What should I do to be like them? Really, I don't understand all this. I don't understand....

Three years passed quickly and before I knew it I entered the vocational high school period. This is where I experienced significant changes. When I was in vocational high school I started wearing a headscarf. My physique became ideal, unlike before which was very thin. And here I am a person who is highly regarded by my peers. They looked at me because I was the person who always got the top ranking in the class. Actually, I didn't want that to happen. I don't like being the center of attention and I don't like being considered smart. Because, even I feel stupid. During school, I just tried to study to the best of my ability. I did that because I didn't want to disappoint my parents who had gone to great lengths to pay for my school. But, I don't know why I always get the title of class champion. But, let it be. Just consider it all to make my parents happy. Making them proud of me. Even though I actually don't want to be like that.. Well, in vocational high school I never heard my friends mock me. They are all good. I am grateful to have them. However, there is someone who is not from their group who criticized me very harshly.. Someone who holds the highest position there. Someone who talked about me in front of all the other students. He criticized one of my introvert traits. Well, he talked about me during the ceremony. He didn't mention names. But, I'm sure. My friends know that I am the one being referred to. At that time, I saw him speaking with an expression on his face that was very sarcastic towards me. As if I were someone who was not worthy of being imitated. If he who is honored knew how I felt at that time. Hurt. Very hurtful. And for the umpteenth time I had to shed tears again. And suddenly all those questions came back. Well, at that time I almost gave up...

I never understood any of this. Never....

When I was transitioning, I always tried to make sure that other people didn't think of me as someone who was quiet, weak, and so on. Well, when I was in college. I promised myself that I could be like the active extroverts. That's why I always diligently went to the library to read books. I studied what I was going to learn tomorrow. So I can actively ask questions in class. And I always learn to be a good presenter. Alhamdulillah all of that was achieved. I am able to become a good presenter. Even though I can't argue, but I can convey the material well. But still my introverted nature came back. It didn't last long, I became someone who didn't actively ask questions. Becoming a loyal listener. And in the end, my college friends' views were still the same as my previous friends. They thought of me as someone who was quiet, antisocial, a bookworm, diligent, and rarely willing to go out far.

Well, I'm not the kind of person who likes to be outside the house for things that I think are unimportant. I also don't like being in a place that has a lively atmosphere for too long. I don't know why, I'm also sometimes confused when I meet people. I'm confused about what to say. I'm not good at starting conversations. And even if I start, it will only be a short conversation. And I am more of a listener than a speaker. But, if I talk to my closest friends, I can tell them anything at length. Very different if I talk to my other friends. Well, that's me....

Even in college I tried to get rid of my introverted nature by participating in organizational activities. Alhamdulillah, my introverted nature was able to diminish. I once became the head of the event twice. That's a good achievement for me. It's just that, my introverted nature can't be completely gone. When I was in the organization, I only spoke if it was important. So, it's no wonder that I became a member who was quieter than the other members. Well, this nature of mine sometimes makes me sad. I don't know why, all those questions suddenly came back. From then until now.. I always looked for answers to all my questions. I looked for it from anywhere. I often read books about motivation and also novels that I think are able to provide answers to my questions. I also often pay attention to my surroundings. I hope I can find the answer. I even always ask Him in every prayer. In the past, I didn't know that I was an introvert. I only found out when I was 20 years old. I got that information from a psychology book that explained about someone's personality. I got that book at the campus library. That's when, I knew that I was an introvert. Well, finally the biggest question in my life about who I am has been answered..

Honestly, I was sad to find out that I was an introvert. There are so many hardships that an introvert has to face. Sometimes other people, especially extroverts, can't understand an introvert. There are so many things that extroverts don't know about us introverts. In fact, they often label us as bad people. They often think of me as someone who is arrogant. If, I may be honest. Actually, I didn't have any intention like that at all. I really want to be able to talk at length with them. I really want to. But, I don't know how I should start it. I don't know.

If you knew how this heart actually loves you, my friends. Even though we rarely chat, but I always pray for you. Even though I never went on class trips, I still consider you my friends. I am proud to have friends like you. You who can always cheer up in class. You are the ones who can liven up the atmosphere in class. You know, my heart is very entertained by your presence, with all your behavior and laughter. If you knew that I loved you very much..

Even though that past was painful, I never dwelled in sadness. The past is gone, now I will face a brighter future. I will only focus on the present which will lead me to the future. Let the past be a memory in the corner of my mind. To be a strengthener of my steps. So that I will always stay strong in facing any problems that come in my life.

Being an introvert is not easy. However, I just want to give a message to all introverts to keep trying to be an extraordinary person. Show the world that introverts can be successful people and of course can be beneficial to each other and our surroundings. Hang your dreams and aspirations as high as the sky and strive to make them come true. Everyone has the right to be successful. Success belongs to those who are willing to work hard and continue to strive to achieve what they dream of. I believe an introvert can definitely be successful. Believe me, Impossible is Nothing, Man jadda Wajada !!!

Best wishes from me “An Introvert”  ^_^

*Currently I work as an Accountant at a manufacturing company and I still have many dreams that I have to achieve. Dreams for the world and the hereafter. Dreams to be able to benefit others. May all our dreams come true soon. Aamiin ya Rabbal alamiin.. :)I always looked for answers to all my questions. I looked for it from anywhere. I often read books about motivation and also novels that I think are able to provide answers to my questions. I also often pay attention to my surroundings. I hope I can find the answer. I even always ask Him in every prayer. In the past, I didn't know that I was an introvert. I only found out when I was 20 years old. I got that information from a psychology book that explained about someone's personality. I got that book at the campus library. That's when, I knew that I was an introvert. Well, finally the biggest question in my life about who I am has been answered.. Honestly, I was sad to find out that I was an introvert. There are so many hardships that an introvert has to face. Sometimes other people, especially extroverts, can't understand an introvert. There are so many things that extroverts don't know about us introverts. In fact, they often label us as bad people. They often think of me as someone who is arrogant. If, I may be honest. Actually, I didn't have any intention like that at all. I really want to be able to talk at length with them. I really want to. But, I don't know how I should start it. I don't know. If you knew how this heart actually loves you, my friends. Even though we rarely chat, but I always pray for you. Even though I never went on class trips, I still consider you my friends. I am proud to have friends like you. You who can always cheer up in class. You are the ones who can liven up the atmosphere in class. You know, my heart is very entertained by your presence, with all your behavior and laughter. If you knew that I loved you very much.. Even though that past was painful, I never dwelled in sadness. The past is gone, now I will face a brighter future. I will only focus on the present which will lead me to the future. Let the past be a memory in the corner of my mind. To be a strengthener of my steps. So that I will always stay strong in facing any problems that come in my life. Being an introvert is not easy. However, I just want to give a message to all introverts to keep trying to be an extraordinary person. Show the world that introverts can be successful people and of course can be beneficial to each other and our surroundings. Hang your dreams and aspirations as high as the sky and strive to make them come true. Everyone has the right to be successful. Success belongs to those who are willing to work hard and continue to strive to achieve what they dream of. I believe an introvert can definitely be successful. Believe me, Impossible is Nothing, Man jadda Wajada !!! Best wishes from me “An Introvert”  ^_^ *Currently I work as an Accountant at a manufacturing company and I still have many dreams that I have to achieve. Dreams for the world and the hereafter. Dreams to be able to benefit others. May all our dreams come true soon. Aamiin ya Rabbal alamiin.. :