I'm sure some of you are already familiar with the term introvert. For those of you who don't know, listen to my story. Hopefully, by the end of my story, you can learn about and understand an introvert.
Here, I will tell you about how I live my days as an introvert. Well, it's a long journey...
Initially, I was just an ordinary child. Just like other children. A life full of happiness and laughter. But slowly, it all changed. I started to get scolded, mocked, and sarcastically teased by my peers. They made fun of my physique. Indeed, since the 3rd grade of elementary school, my physique started to change. My body became thin and very thin. I didn't know what caused it. They started to make fun of me. Not only about my physique, but there were other things that made them tease me. I even cried in class because of them. I was weak, very weak. I was helpless against them. I just kept quiet. I couldn't fight back. I didn't dare to. Honestly, it all hurt my heart. When they made fun of me, I just kept quiet. But, actually, my heart was crying. It hurt. It hurt so much. (Remembering that incident makes me feel that pain again T.T).
Throughout the journey home, I just tried to endure the pain. Trying to hold back my tears from falling. When I got home, I didn't show my sadness to my mother. I didn't want to make my mother sad. What I did was go into my room and cry as much as I wanted there. I complained to God. I once questioned His justice. Oh God, why am I like this, why am I not the same as them. Why am I not like other children. Why am I different. Why am I weak. Why oh God, why?? That question was always in me and I always expressed it when I cried in my room. No one ever knew if I always cried in my room. No one.
I always confided in my favorite teddy bear. I always hug it when I feel lonely. I thought that only my doll knew how I felt. My favorite doll was my best friend. Who always accompanied me, who could understand me. That doll was a silent witness to my life's journey. Until now, that teddy bear is still there and will always be...
Unnoticed, time passed so quickly. I started to leave my friends in elementary school. I always prayed that when I entered junior high school, I would have good friends and no one would tease me like they did in elementary school. In 2005, I was accepted at one of the public junior high schools in Jakarta. I was so happy. Because that junior high school was my favorite junior high school. When I first entered, I saw that my friends were nice. Not like in elementary school. That's right. I had a good friend there. But, there was still a friend who liked to tease my physique. It was sad, but the sadness was relieved because I had good friends. Well, my life in junior high school could be said to be better compared to when I was in elementary school. But, that feeling came back. That question came up again. At that time, I was someone who was nerdy, quiet, and not a sociable person. I don't know why, I always questioned that. I always saw myself as different from my peers in general. I felt like there was no one like me. I felt different. I always asked “who am I?” Why am I like this? What makes me like this? What makes me different from them? What's wrong with me? What should I do to be like them? Honestly, I didn't understand all of this. I didn't understand...
Three years passed quickly and before I knew it, I entered the high school phase. This is where I experienced significant changes. When I was in high school, I started wearing a hijab. My physique started to become ideal, unlike before which was very thin. And here, I was someone who was very admired by my peers. They admired me because I was the person who always got 1st place in class. Actually, I didn't want that to happen. I didn't like being the center of attention and I didn't like being considered smart. Because, I myself didn't feel smart. Throughout school, I just tried to study to the best of my ability. I did that because I didn't want to disappoint my parents who had worked hard to pay for my schooling. But, I don't know why I always got the title of class champion. But, whatever. Let's just say it's all to make my parents happy. Make them proud of me. Even though I actually didn't want to be like that..Well, in high school, I never heard my friends make fun of me. They were all good. I am grateful to have them. However, there was someone who was not from their group who criticized me very harshly.. Someone who held the highest position there. Someone who talked about me in front of all the other students. He criticized one of the introvert traits that I possessed. Well, he talked about me during the ceremony. He didn't mention any names. But, I'm sure. My friends knew that I was the one he meant. At that time, I saw him speaking with a very sarcastic expression on his face. As if I was someone who was not worthy of being imitated. If only that honorable person knew how I felt at that time. It hurt. It hurt so much. And for the umpteenth time, I had to shed tears again. And suddenly all those questions came back. Well, at that time I almost gave up...
I never understood all of this. Never...
During the transition period, I always tried to prevent others from considering me a quiet, nerdy, and so on. Well, during college. I promised myself that I could be like the active extroverts. That's why I always diligently went to the library to read books. I studied what I would learn the next day. So that I could actively ask questions in class. And I always learned to be a good presenter. Alhamdulillah, all of that was achieved. I was able to become a good presenter. Although I couldn't debate, I could deliver the material well. But still, my introvert nature came back. It didn't last long, I became someone who didn't actively ask questions. Became a loyal listener. And in the end, the views of my college friends were still the same as my previous friends. They considered me a quiet, unsociable, bookworm, diligent, and rarely willing to hang out far away.
Well, I'm not really someone who likes to be outside the house for things that I consider unimportant. I also don't like being in a crowded place for too long. I don't know why, I also sometimes get confused when I meet people. I'm confused about what to say. I'm not good at starting a conversation. And even if I start, it's usually just a short conversation. And I'm more of a listener than a speaker. But, if I talk to my closest friends, I can tell them anything at length. It's very different when I talk to my other friends. Well, that's me...
During college, I also tried to get rid of my introverted nature by participating in organizational activities. Alhamdulillah, my introverted nature has lessened. I've been the head of an event twice. That's a good achievement for me. It's just that, my introverted nature couldn't be completely gone. Even in organizations, I only speak if it's important. So, it's no wonder that I became a member who was quieter than the other members. Well, this nature of mine sometimes makes me sad. I don't know why, all those questions suddenly came back. From the past until now..Well, in high school, I never heard my friends make fun of me. They were all good. I am grateful to have them. However, there was someone who was not from their group who criticized me very harshly.. Someone who held the highest position there. Someone who talked about me in front of all the other students. He criticized one of the introvert traits that I possessed. Well, he talked about me during the ceremony. He didn't mention any names. But, I'm sure. My friends knew that I was the one he meant. At that time, I saw him speaking with a very sarcastic expression on his face. As if I was someone who was not worthy of being imitated. If only that honorable person knew how I felt at that time. It hurt. It hurt so much. And for the umpteenth time, I had to shed tears again. And suddenly all those questions came back. Well, at that time I almost gave up...
I never understood all of this. Never...
During the transition period, I always tried to prevent others from considering me a quiet, nerdy, and so on. Well, during college. I promised myself that I could be like the active extroverts. That's why I always diligently went to the library to read books. I studied what I would learn the next day. So that I could actively ask questions in class. And I always learned to be a good presenter. Alhamdulillah, all of that was achieved. I was able to become a good presenter. Although I couldn't debate, I could deliver the material well. But still, my introvert nature came back. It didn't last long, I became someone who didn't actively ask questions. Became a loyal listener. And in the end, the views of my college friends were still the same as my previous friends. They considered me a quiet, unsociable, bookworm, diligent, and rarely willing to hang out far away.
Well, I'm not really someone who likes to be outside the house for things that I consider unimportant. I also don't like being in a crowded place for too long. I don't know why, I also sometimes get confused when I meet people. I'm confused about what to say. I'm not good at starting a conversation. And even if I start, it's usually just a short conversation. And I'm more of a listener than a speaker. But, if I talk to my closest friends, I can tell them anything at length. It's very different when I talk to my other friends. Well, that's me...
During college, I also tried to get rid of my introverted nature by participating in organizational activities. Alhamdulillah, my introverted nature has lessened. I've been the head of an event twice. That's a good achievement for me. It's just that, my introverted nature couldn't be completely gone. Even in organizations, I only speak if it's important. So, it's no wonder that I became a member who was quieter than the other members. Well, this nature of mine sometimes makes me sad. I don't know why, all those questions suddenly came back. From the past until now..I always search for answers to all of those questions. I search for them from anywhere. I often read motivational books and novels that I think can provide answers to my questions. I also often observe my surroundings. I hope I can find the answer. I even always ask Him in every prayer. Before, I didn't know that I was an introvert. I only found out when I was 20 years old. I got that information from a psychology book that explained about someone's personality. I got that book from the campus library. That's when I knew that I was an introvert. Well, finally, the biggest question in my life about who I am was answered..
Honestly, I was sad when I found out that I was an introvert. There are so many sufferings that an introvert has to face. Sometimes other people, especially extroverts, can't understand an introvert. There are so many things that extroverts don't know about us introverts. Instead, they often label us as bad people. They often think of me as arrogant. If I may be honest. I actually didn't have any intentions like that at all. I actually really want to be able to talk at length with them. I really do. But, I don't know how I should start it. I don't know.
If you knew how this heart really loves you, my friends. Even though we rarely talk, I always pray for you. Even though I never join class trips, I still consider you my friends. I'm proud to have friends like you. You who can always cheer up the class. You are the ones who can liven up the atmosphere in the class. You know, my heart is very entertained by your presence, with all your behavior and laughter. If only you knew that I love you very much..
Although the past was painful, I never wallowed in sadness. The past is gone, now I will look to a brighter future. I will only focus on the present that will lead me to the future. Let the past be a memory in the corner of my mind. Become a strengthener of my steps. So that I can always remain strong in facing every problem that comes in my life.
Being an introvert is not easy. However, I just want to advise all introverts to keep trying to be an extraordinary person. Show the world that introverts can be successful people and of course can be beneficial to others and our surroundings. Hang your dreams and aspirations as high as the sky and strive to realize them. Everyone has the right to be successful. Success belongs to those who are willing to work hard and continue to strive to achieve what they dream of. I believe that introverts can definitely be successful. Believe it, Impossible is Nothing, Man jadda Wajada!!!
Success greetings from me “An Introvert” ^_^
Currently, I work as an Accountant at a manufacturing company, and I still have many dreams that I need to achieve. Dreams for the world and the hereafter. Dreams to be able to benefit others. Hopefully, all our dreams can soon come true. Aamiin ya Rabbal alamiin.. :)I always search for answers to all of those questions. I search for them from anywhere. I often read motivational books and novels that I think can provide answers to my questions. I also often observe my surroundings. I hope I can find the answer. I even always ask Him in every prayer. Before, I didn't know that I was an introvert. I only found out when I was 20 years old. I got that information from a psychology book that explained about someone's personality. I got that book from the campus library. That's when I knew that I was an introvert. Well, finally, the biggest question in my life about who I am was answered.. Honestly, I was sad when I found out that I was an introvert. There are so many sufferings that an introvert has to face. Sometimes other people, especially extroverts, can't understand an introvert. There are so many things that extroverts don't know about us introverts. Instead, they often label us as bad people. They often think of me as arrogant. If I may be honest. I actually didn't have any intentions like that at all. I actually really want to be able to talk at length with them. I really do. But, I don't know how I should start it. I don't know. If you knew how this heart really loves you, my friends. Even though we rarely talk, I always pray for you. Even though I never join class trips, I still consider you my friends. I'm proud to have friends like you. You who can always cheer up the class. You are the ones who can liven up the atmosphere in the class. You know, my heart is very entertained by your presence, with all your behavior and laughter. If only you knew that I love you very much.. Although the past was painful, I never wallowed in sadness. The past is gone, now I will look to a brighter future. I will only focus on the present that will lead me to the future. Let the past be a memory in the corner of my mind. Become a strengthener of my steps. So that I can always remain strong in facing every problem that comes in my life. Being an introvert is not easy. However, I just want to advise all introverts to keep trying to be an extraordinary person. Show the world that introverts can be successful people and of course can be beneficial to others and our surroundings. Hang your dreams and aspirations as high as the sky and strive to realize them. Everyone has the right to be successful. Success belongs to those who are willing to work hard and continue to strive to achieve what they dream of. I believe that introverts can definitely be successful. Believe it, Impossible is Nothing, Man jadda Wajada!!! Success greetings from me “An Introvert” ^_^ Currently, I work as an Accountant at a manufacturing company, and I still have many dreams that I need to achieve. Dreams for the world and the hereafter. Dreams to be able to benefit others. Hopefully, all our dreams can soon come true. Aamiin ya Rabbal alamiin.. :
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